A TRIBUTE
By Karen Severino
Yes, memories do light the corners of my mind. I would gather that even as I grow older, every memory or thought of Doris Day is embedded in my brain for my lifetime. There are some people in our world that are unforgettable, absolutely irreplaceable, and for me, she was it. When you become a real fan of Doris Day, I have to liken it to the song Toyland…”Once you cross her borders, you may never return again.” So it was from the very first day that I realized she was more than just special among us. She was indeed a designated journey of my lifetime. So how do you describe her? Lord knows over the years there have been so many interpretations, and for me, I do not think anybody got it right.
Doris did not come into this world realizing immediately the impact she would make. Even when her fame began to grow, it was clear that the Doris you saw on screen was not the personable one you got to know as her friend. She did indeed exude that certain air of optimism in life, and she also had the knack of climbing out of the worst of circumstances with confidence that tomorrow would be a better day.
They often would write so many things that would denigrate her love for animals, with the prefix of that she looked for the unconditional love in animals that she did not get in life. Well, that is all so much bull! Love is not in a box, and it does not come from just one person. It comes from the many people you touch who respond to your insight and example. She was intuitive and knew that for the grace of God, she had a mission in life. She saw the beauty and innocence in animals and all God’s creatures that many of us overlooked and thought of as objects and not a part of our family. The reality is, she was one of the rare few who saw it early in her life and wanted to teach others….and that was her mission, as well as to make people laugh and feel joyous! She was joyful and grateful, knowing each of us had the capacity to do great things.
I could go on about her talent, but if you are a fan all of it is like an archive in your brain where you can fish out each type of scene she played, and each of her songs that would lift you to that alternate universe many could not understand. Sometimes her music easily identified with loss and heartbreak that would make you break into tears. We know, like a violin, the depth of her music and it was like no other.
There were many as I was growing up that could not rationalize my admiration for Lady Day. I easily took the hits with a smile, because at the time it was always my world, not theirs. My mother was one of them, early on. However, after I first met Doris in 1971, my mother became a champion of the lady. I had to laugh at times, but what was really wild was when my mother became an avid animal lover and would literally cry with me over heartbreaking stories about animals.
Most fans will tell you no one plays angry like Doris did on screen. Her many distinct faces and expressions would tell a story all their own. She was just that amazing from the moment she was signed to do her first film. I often would tell her that, but she was always so humble about her fame. She enjoyed what she did in her career, but the Doris I knew was caring and loving and thought of herself as just one of the gang. One evening during a visit, I got enough gumption to ask her who she thought was the best kisser of her co-stars. Unfortunately, Doris never was one to kiss and tell. I got no answer from her, rather just this smile of innocence.
For her 90th birthday, which was actually her 92nd, DDAF (Doris Day Animal Foundation) put on a big celebration in Carmel for her Birthday, with dinner and celebrities that would sing from her songbook. There was also a special film highlighting her career. Watching herself on screen was not one of Doris’ favorite things to do, and because she really shied away from large crowds, she was not expected to attend. I volunteered for DDAF each year they had her birthday events in Carmel, but this event was to be one special night. We were all signed up for that evening and then had to make sure someone would be at the house with Doris that night. We approached some friends of Doris’ who flew in from Germany to stay with her. Just as the festivities for dinner started, the fans from Germany walked in the room and I was stunned.
Offering no real excuse for their arrival, I suddenly had this feeling our Doris might attend. Several minutes later, from across the room, you could hear the roar of the crowd go crazy, as Lady Day entered the room! Oh my God, I thought “who had been able to convince her to attend!” It was a night to remember, as Doris joined the fans in sing along and watching praises from her celebrity friends. I was over in the very next table and I was glued watching her as she watched herself on screen. It was nice to see this humble woman receive the honors she so richly deserved. Many of the fans that attended that evening had never met her, so for them it was a “dream come true!” Doris made sure she met every fan that night. As they poured out their hearts to her, she was finally understanding how her presence in their lives were so impactful.
Doris did not come into this world realizing immediately the impact she would make. Even when her fame began to grow, it was clear that the Doris you saw on screen was not the personable one you got to know as her friend. She did indeed exude that certain air of optimism in life, and she also had the knack of climbing out of the worst of circumstances with confidence that tomorrow would be a better day.
They often would write so many things that would denigrate her love for animals, with the prefix of that she looked for the unconditional love in animals that she did not get in life. Well, that is all so much bull! Love is not in a box, and it does not come from just one person. It comes from the many people you touch who respond to your insight and example. She was intuitive and knew that for the grace of God, she had a mission in life. She saw the beauty and innocence in animals and all God’s creatures that many of us overlooked and thought of as objects and not a part of our family. The reality is, she was one of the rare few who saw it early in her life and wanted to teach others….and that was her mission, as well as to make people laugh and feel joyous! She was joyful and grateful, knowing each of us had the capacity to do great things.
I could go on about her talent, but if you are a fan all of it is like an archive in your brain where you can fish out each type of scene she played, and each of her songs that would lift you to that alternate universe many could not understand. Sometimes her music easily identified with loss and heartbreak that would make you break into tears. We know, like a violin, the depth of her music and it was like no other.
There were many as I was growing up that could not rationalize my admiration for Lady Day. I easily took the hits with a smile, because at the time it was always my world, not theirs. My mother was one of them, early on. However, after I first met Doris in 1971, my mother became a champion of the lady. I had to laugh at times, but what was really wild was when my mother became an avid animal lover and would literally cry with me over heartbreaking stories about animals.
Most fans will tell you no one plays angry like Doris did on screen. Her many distinct faces and expressions would tell a story all their own. She was just that amazing from the moment she was signed to do her first film. I often would tell her that, but she was always so humble about her fame. She enjoyed what she did in her career, but the Doris I knew was caring and loving and thought of herself as just one of the gang. One evening during a visit, I got enough gumption to ask her who she thought was the best kisser of her co-stars. Unfortunately, Doris never was one to kiss and tell. I got no answer from her, rather just this smile of innocence.
For her 90th birthday, which was actually her 92nd, DDAF (Doris Day Animal Foundation) put on a big celebration in Carmel for her Birthday, with dinner and celebrities that would sing from her songbook. There was also a special film highlighting her career. Watching herself on screen was not one of Doris’ favorite things to do, and because she really shied away from large crowds, she was not expected to attend. I volunteered for DDAF each year they had her birthday events in Carmel, but this event was to be one special night. We were all signed up for that evening and then had to make sure someone would be at the house with Doris that night. We approached some friends of Doris’ who flew in from Germany to stay with her. Just as the festivities for dinner started, the fans from Germany walked in the room and I was stunned.
Offering no real excuse for their arrival, I suddenly had this feeling our Doris might attend. Several minutes later, from across the room, you could hear the roar of the crowd go crazy, as Lady Day entered the room! Oh my God, I thought “who had been able to convince her to attend!” It was a night to remember, as Doris joined the fans in sing along and watching praises from her celebrity friends. I was over in the very next table and I was glued watching her as she watched herself on screen. It was nice to see this humble woman receive the honors she so richly deserved. Many of the fans that attended that evening had never met her, so for them it was a “dream come true!” Doris made sure she met every fan that night. As they poured out their hearts to her, she was finally understanding how her presence in their lives were so impactful.
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I knew, like anyone, the inevitable would hit and I dreaded that day like the plague! You see, there was always something comforting, something inspiring, that made you happy that she was still with us. After all, who wants their Toyland journey to end? In a sense, the journey was part of a fan’s survival in life. How many fans would say how her career had gotten them through difficult times. She was a part of my existence from my very early years and got me through a horrid childhood. Doris was the rock that got me through the worst of times!
I was just making my way out of the bathroom that morning, ready to climb back in bed, when the phone rang around 7:30 am. The news had just broken across the world that Doris Day had passed away. That fateful day arrived the morning of May 13, 2019. To say I was stunned, is an understatement! However, the last time I was with her, after her 97th birthday, I knew as I hugged and kissed her goodbye it would be for the last time. She was feeling well, but God has always had this uncanny, I suppose spiritual touch, to communicate or should I say prepare me for what is to come. Of course, I would have preferred Doris to live forever, but reality is we all make our journey home.
The day she died I thought the tears that poured out of me were more than I could bear. How do you live in a world that no longer had Doris in it? How do you awake knowing that one special person who had brought sunlight into your life had been extinguished from this earth? I had grieved before, but not like this. Never nearly like this!
The silence of grief, it has a tendency to open the senses we forgot we had. It opens memories of all kinds about the person you just lost in your life. These memories you hold on to for dear life, because you know they are the end of an era. Brushing away a flood of tears them, I could still hear her laughter. I could still hear that calm voice of reason that loved to crack jokes and laugh with you. I already was missing that.
Doris had taught me so much through her grace, kindness, and love for animals. I was imprinted from the day I was born to be a fan of hers. When I first met her, she personally asked me, “Why Me?” I had no answer, but she did. She believed, as her theme song, some things are meant to be.
When this naiveté met her in 1971, I actually never considered there were people around her who one had to watch out for hidden agendas. That in itself is another story. Let’s just say, I made several mistakes that allowed me to be manipulated. When you are in the limelight, such as a celebrity like her, it is a challenge to sift through the good, the bad, and the ugly!
Due to the many curves life throws you, I only stayed living in Los Angeles for 3 years, with the thought that a celebrity’s life is far from where this girl should be. Circumstances and decisions I made prompted me to travel back home to Albuquerque to help my mother during a difficult time. Life, as they say, is what happens while you are busy making plans. Most of which will never occur because each day has its own adventure. I had wished I learned that when I was a lot younger. The path you think you’re taking, well it just is never like that, is it?
Although I occasionally would drop Doris a line or two, I ended up opening up my own business and that consumed a lot of time. I did manage in the late 80’s to attend a Doris Day Record Collectors event in Carmel. My friend Frank Hale had convinced me to attend with him. So I did, not knowing how Doris would feel to see me again. Well, the first thing she did as she walked into the room of fans was to come directly over to me and give me a huge hug! I was the only one she recognized as she made her way up to front platform to sit in front of the fans. She posed for photos with the fans, and of course, many had come bearing gifts.
I was just making my way out of the bathroom that morning, ready to climb back in bed, when the phone rang around 7:30 am. The news had just broken across the world that Doris Day had passed away. That fateful day arrived the morning of May 13, 2019. To say I was stunned, is an understatement! However, the last time I was with her, after her 97th birthday, I knew as I hugged and kissed her goodbye it would be for the last time. She was feeling well, but God has always had this uncanny, I suppose spiritual touch, to communicate or should I say prepare me for what is to come. Of course, I would have preferred Doris to live forever, but reality is we all make our journey home.
The day she died I thought the tears that poured out of me were more than I could bear. How do you live in a world that no longer had Doris in it? How do you awake knowing that one special person who had brought sunlight into your life had been extinguished from this earth? I had grieved before, but not like this. Never nearly like this!
The silence of grief, it has a tendency to open the senses we forgot we had. It opens memories of all kinds about the person you just lost in your life. These memories you hold on to for dear life, because you know they are the end of an era. Brushing away a flood of tears them, I could still hear her laughter. I could still hear that calm voice of reason that loved to crack jokes and laugh with you. I already was missing that.
Doris had taught me so much through her grace, kindness, and love for animals. I was imprinted from the day I was born to be a fan of hers. When I first met her, she personally asked me, “Why Me?” I had no answer, but she did. She believed, as her theme song, some things are meant to be.
When this naiveté met her in 1971, I actually never considered there were people around her who one had to watch out for hidden agendas. That in itself is another story. Let’s just say, I made several mistakes that allowed me to be manipulated. When you are in the limelight, such as a celebrity like her, it is a challenge to sift through the good, the bad, and the ugly!
Due to the many curves life throws you, I only stayed living in Los Angeles for 3 years, with the thought that a celebrity’s life is far from where this girl should be. Circumstances and decisions I made prompted me to travel back home to Albuquerque to help my mother during a difficult time. Life, as they say, is what happens while you are busy making plans. Most of which will never occur because each day has its own adventure. I had wished I learned that when I was a lot younger. The path you think you’re taking, well it just is never like that, is it?
Although I occasionally would drop Doris a line or two, I ended up opening up my own business and that consumed a lot of time. I did manage in the late 80’s to attend a Doris Day Record Collectors event in Carmel. My friend Frank Hale had convinced me to attend with him. So I did, not knowing how Doris would feel to see me again. Well, the first thing she did as she walked into the room of fans was to come directly over to me and give me a huge hug! I was the only one she recognized as she made her way up to front platform to sit in front of the fans. She posed for photos with the fans, and of course, many had come bearing gifts.
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When her son, Terry Melcher, died, I was devastated for her. Terry was always the light of Doris’ life. I knew what that feeling was because several months prior, I had lost my baby brother on May 13, 2004. Yes, my younger brother had died 15 years prior to Doris on the same exact day of the year. The parallel of both my Mother and Doris losing their son 6 months apart felt overwhelming. It was not a good year in both the Day Household and the Severino Household.
In 2008, for what I perceive was God’s guidance, I made another trip to Carmel to meet up with some fans from England who were flying in to honor Doris’ birthday at the Cypress Inn ( a hotel that Doris was co-owner) . It was becoming a yearly ritual for fans to gather in Carmel every April 3rd. To be honest, as I drove my rental car from the San Jose airport into Carmel, I was not sure why I was doing this. I had tried to convince myself that I was too old for the fan thing. Let me be clear in that it did not mean that I no longer adored Doris’ work or her. It was just my life got complicated and my priorities were now different, or were they?
One thing led to another, and before the next visit to Carmel for her birthday, I was in my office at work when I got a call from a voice that was all too familiar. It was Doris and we talked for about an hour. It was like time had not passed at all. She gave me her number in Carmel to call her, and so I often did.
It was then that we had personally reconnected, rather than just letters and notes. I was always so nervous when I called, but the moment she picked up she easily would set me at ease. She always had a sixth sense about things and her intuition was unlike any other I have ever seen. I never wanted to impose on her, but events occurred like a divine plan, and soon Doris had allowed me to visit with her. It was surreal and yet I felt I was visiting with an old friend. In keeping with periodic calls with each other, Doris soon asked me when could I come up for another visit. When that happened, you know those priorities I had, well it all changed quickly!
The friendship we developed after that was one of deep caring, respect and love. She had given me another chance to be a small part of her life, and I was so grateful and so honored. When people tell you Doris Day was down to earth and never ever flaunted her achievements, believe them! She was more interested in your life, but I always had a knack for talking about her music and her amazing accomplishments….and of course, we would chat about the 4-leggers. It was her that made me look at my animals as family and not possessions. I truly think I was looking at her as a second mother, especially after I lost my mother in 2009. I even got her disappointment with me when I did not tell her about my heart surgery until after the fact. She chided me in that I should have let her know. What was a crazy coincidence that as soon as I was moved out of ICU and given back my cell phone, the phone rang and it was her. It was then I told her about the surgery. However, she was grateful all had gone well.
In 2008, for what I perceive was God’s guidance, I made another trip to Carmel to meet up with some fans from England who were flying in to honor Doris’ birthday at the Cypress Inn ( a hotel that Doris was co-owner) . It was becoming a yearly ritual for fans to gather in Carmel every April 3rd. To be honest, as I drove my rental car from the San Jose airport into Carmel, I was not sure why I was doing this. I had tried to convince myself that I was too old for the fan thing. Let me be clear in that it did not mean that I no longer adored Doris’ work or her. It was just my life got complicated and my priorities were now different, or were they?
One thing led to another, and before the next visit to Carmel for her birthday, I was in my office at work when I got a call from a voice that was all too familiar. It was Doris and we talked for about an hour. It was like time had not passed at all. She gave me her number in Carmel to call her, and so I often did.
It was then that we had personally reconnected, rather than just letters and notes. I was always so nervous when I called, but the moment she picked up she easily would set me at ease. She always had a sixth sense about things and her intuition was unlike any other I have ever seen. I never wanted to impose on her, but events occurred like a divine plan, and soon Doris had allowed me to visit with her. It was surreal and yet I felt I was visiting with an old friend. In keeping with periodic calls with each other, Doris soon asked me when could I come up for another visit. When that happened, you know those priorities I had, well it all changed quickly!
The friendship we developed after that was one of deep caring, respect and love. She had given me another chance to be a small part of her life, and I was so grateful and so honored. When people tell you Doris Day was down to earth and never ever flaunted her achievements, believe them! She was more interested in your life, but I always had a knack for talking about her music and her amazing accomplishments….and of course, we would chat about the 4-leggers. It was her that made me look at my animals as family and not possessions. I truly think I was looking at her as a second mother, especially after I lost my mother in 2009. I even got her disappointment with me when I did not tell her about my heart surgery until after the fact. She chided me in that I should have let her know. What was a crazy coincidence that as soon as I was moved out of ICU and given back my cell phone, the phone rang and it was her. It was then I told her about the surgery. However, she was grateful all had gone well.
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People were always so concerned when they would read these idiotic articles of her being a recluse. She was never a recluse. Just because she was out of the limelight and enjoying her home and her animals in Carmel, it did not mean she did not have a full life. Her friends made sure that she was content and enjoyed her life. She knew instinctively that there were people she could trust that would always do right by her. I made it my job to do what I could to brighten her life as she had brightened mine. We would always laugh about the smallest things. She loved to laugh! She loved my laugh. In fact, one visit when we were gathered around her kitchen table, she imitated my laugh
exactly. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. The harder I laughed, the more she laughed.
Doris was well read and she could talk about a million different subjects. She was smart and very unassuming about her knowledge. She had a photographic memory. She would sing like no other, having perfect pitch, but could never read a note of music. Hard to believe, but very true!
Then there is the story about all the animals she had. Now, they have divulged that she had up to 50 on her property. What people do not know is that early on she was trying to open up her own dog adoption kennel with her foundation, but a deal she had with a gentleman who was going to donate the land for the kennel fell through at the last minute, so she just decided she would have them live with her. Many of which she found homes for, but many she kept until their demise. Rest assured, they all got the best care.
I could tell you she was like any other celebrity who made it big. After all, she was a big box office smash in the early 60’s. A record that to this very day has not been equaled. However, she was not like them at all. One of the things I knew early on was that I had always adored the person behind the image. From the day I first met her, I knew she was a different kind of human being with lots of insight and class. She was never given credit for being smart as well as talented. Mostly, I think, because she had made bad choices in the men she married. So what? When it comes to love, many of us make bad choices! That has nothing to do with our intelligence. It is all about the heart.
I always ended my phone calls telling her I loved her. She was so funny, because she would always say in an air of confidence, “I know!” Of course she did! With that, she would always add, “I love you too darlin’.” On many times when I visited, I would say to her, “I love you to the moon and back!” I was cognizant that I needed her to know how relevant she was in my life. It was not unlike me just to send flowers to her for no reason, just to brighten her day. Contrary to her words, Doris did like to get presents and to be remembered, but a gift to her animals was her priority. I did both over the years.
When Doris passed, as sad as I was, I knew in my heart that I did not regret a thing during those last years of our friendship. She knew how much I treasured her and she knew that she was a priority in my life. I know I was not Doris’ only friend, because I met a bunch of really great people through my friendship with her. The thing about Doris is she made each of her friends feel relevant and important.
Now, with her death, because of the pandemic forced birthday events to be canceled in April 2020, there has been no real tribute to her life. I had hoped it was something that I could have helped accomplish during that celebration week. However, it was not meant to be and it saddens me. So perhaps this story will help me accomplish my tribute to her. I would like to think that this will bring me some peace of mind in sharing who she was to me.
I would like to be as brave as she was when her dear friend Rock Hudson passed in saying, “Something good will come from this!” Well, she was right about that for Rock’s passing. AIDS was no longer an ignored deadly disease. After a year and a half since her passing, I have not found one thing that eases my heart about her being gone. Some days I feel overwhelmed with the loss, because honestly, I still grieve over it. I know her legacy about the animals and her foundation will live on and Lord knows that is what she wanted. I know her acting and music career will live on because generation after generation will become enamored of that glamorous, sometimes tomboyish figure who had the voice of an angel and a persona that lit up the silver screen. However, the enigma, the heart stopping impact that she brought to this world like no other will never be matched by anything or anyone that comes after. Those words are not prejudiced, but rather a fact!
I do believe in the afterlife and I know I will see her again. Doris herself was extremely religious and devout in her belief of God.
She could listen to gospel music for hours. It was important to her. It is comforting in knowing she is with Terry and Alma (her mother) and hopefully they are all dancing on the clouds. I imagine all the doggies and kitties have greeted her at the Gates of Heaven and that she has been loving every minute of it.
Someday, I hope to re-enter Toyland when it is time for God to take me home. Once again, I will hear her laughter. I will see that smile that warmed my heart and raised my soul. Until then, her spirit lives inside my heart and with gratitude abounding, I still ask myself, “How did I get so lucky to have known her!”
exactly. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. The harder I laughed, the more she laughed.
Doris was well read and she could talk about a million different subjects. She was smart and very unassuming about her knowledge. She had a photographic memory. She would sing like no other, having perfect pitch, but could never read a note of music. Hard to believe, but very true!
Then there is the story about all the animals she had. Now, they have divulged that she had up to 50 on her property. What people do not know is that early on she was trying to open up her own dog adoption kennel with her foundation, but a deal she had with a gentleman who was going to donate the land for the kennel fell through at the last minute, so she just decided she would have them live with her. Many of which she found homes for, but many she kept until their demise. Rest assured, they all got the best care.
I could tell you she was like any other celebrity who made it big. After all, she was a big box office smash in the early 60’s. A record that to this very day has not been equaled. However, she was not like them at all. One of the things I knew early on was that I had always adored the person behind the image. From the day I first met her, I knew she was a different kind of human being with lots of insight and class. She was never given credit for being smart as well as talented. Mostly, I think, because she had made bad choices in the men she married. So what? When it comes to love, many of us make bad choices! That has nothing to do with our intelligence. It is all about the heart.
I always ended my phone calls telling her I loved her. She was so funny, because she would always say in an air of confidence, “I know!” Of course she did! With that, she would always add, “I love you too darlin’.” On many times when I visited, I would say to her, “I love you to the moon and back!” I was cognizant that I needed her to know how relevant she was in my life. It was not unlike me just to send flowers to her for no reason, just to brighten her day. Contrary to her words, Doris did like to get presents and to be remembered, but a gift to her animals was her priority. I did both over the years.
When Doris passed, as sad as I was, I knew in my heart that I did not regret a thing during those last years of our friendship. She knew how much I treasured her and she knew that she was a priority in my life. I know I was not Doris’ only friend, because I met a bunch of really great people through my friendship with her. The thing about Doris is she made each of her friends feel relevant and important.
Now, with her death, because of the pandemic forced birthday events to be canceled in April 2020, there has been no real tribute to her life. I had hoped it was something that I could have helped accomplish during that celebration week. However, it was not meant to be and it saddens me. So perhaps this story will help me accomplish my tribute to her. I would like to think that this will bring me some peace of mind in sharing who she was to me.
I would like to be as brave as she was when her dear friend Rock Hudson passed in saying, “Something good will come from this!” Well, she was right about that for Rock’s passing. AIDS was no longer an ignored deadly disease. After a year and a half since her passing, I have not found one thing that eases my heart about her being gone. Some days I feel overwhelmed with the loss, because honestly, I still grieve over it. I know her legacy about the animals and her foundation will live on and Lord knows that is what she wanted. I know her acting and music career will live on because generation after generation will become enamored of that glamorous, sometimes tomboyish figure who had the voice of an angel and a persona that lit up the silver screen. However, the enigma, the heart stopping impact that she brought to this world like no other will never be matched by anything or anyone that comes after. Those words are not prejudiced, but rather a fact!
I do believe in the afterlife and I know I will see her again. Doris herself was extremely religious and devout in her belief of God.
She could listen to gospel music for hours. It was important to her. It is comforting in knowing she is with Terry and Alma (her mother) and hopefully they are all dancing on the clouds. I imagine all the doggies and kitties have greeted her at the Gates of Heaven and that she has been loving every minute of it.
Someday, I hope to re-enter Toyland when it is time for God to take me home. Once again, I will hear her laughter. I will see that smile that warmed my heart and raised my soul. Until then, her spirit lives inside my heart and with gratitude abounding, I still ask myself, “How did I get so lucky to have known her!”
